With Regrets
by randomlyrite
Summary: she lost her best friend, how will she live without her? the answer? she won't. 15 year old Elizabeth Waters is determined to get her best friend back, no matter the consequences. Will she succeed or die trying?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! uhm well this is my first fullmetal fanfiction and I started it because I wanted to write something a bit more grown up and realistic for a change, my Beta wants an extra chapter before this about the two girls, but I was thinking of putting in flash backs throughout the story... hmn review and tell me what you think!**

**I hope you enjoy my story!**

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><p><strong>It was an average day when it happened; we were on our way home, me, and my best friend Clarice. She was going round mine as was our normal weekly routine. We were being mad the way we normally were.<strong>

"**Is that tree pixalated?" Clarice said twisting her head to look at a tree we were just walking past.**

**I blinked unsure as to if I'd heard her correctly and turned to look at her with an odd stare "what?"**

"**That tree." She said pointing at it, an old oak that was turning dark yellow for autumn "looks pixalated."**

**I stared at it blankly for a few minutes before turning back to her and smiling brightly "I suppose it does doesn't it!"**

**She grinned back and we continued walking "I like trees but not trees like that one, what I really want is a cherry blossom tree, HEY! We should have one in our garden when we live in Japan!"**

**I smiled softly thinking about it "Yeah, with the koi pond and little bridge"**

"**And the house with the paper doors and traditional styling's" she said giggling and grabbing my hand**

"**And you'll be a famous manga artist and I'll write the plotlines for you" I squeezed her hand and looked down at her. "I can't wait!"**

**We both laughed, slowing down as we reached the main road.**

"**Wanna watch some fullmetal alchemist when we get home?" I said grinning**

"**Sure! I can't believe how far ahead you've already gotten! I mean I know I've been spending a lot of time with George lately but still!"**

**I laughed "Its called not having a social life Clarice, but then again who needs one, I think I'm much happier sleeping reading and watching anime than I am talking to people" I gave a fake shudder at the last word.**

**She laughed and gave me a slap on my arm "your so anti-social Beth!"**

**I grinned "well you still love me! Right?" I said sweeping her up bridal style, but being as clumsy as I am, I stumbled over a bump in the pavement, and fell backwards, landing on my side, my arm absorbed some of the impact but Clarice was still hurt.**

**I was already at her side as she shakily sat up, I knew sudden things like being hit made her cry; I had threatened a guy for hitting her with a ball just that lunchtime. How hypocritical of me.**

**She stood up suddenly and started running away from me.**

"**Clarice! Come back! I'm sorry! I just tripped! Look, please come back here so I can make sure your okay!" I said chasing after her**

**She ran out into the road and I screamed as I watched it all play out.**

**The sound of the cars horn being blared frantically**

**The look of sheer terror on her face**

**My unmoving legs**

**Her scream**

**The impact**

**The blood**

**I can't take it in. It's not happening not to us, this sort of thing doesn't happen to us. It's some strange dream. All I have to do is blink and I'll wake up in my bed and then the next day it'll be something we all laugh about.**

'**please god let her be alright' please god, don't take her away' 'please god, please'**

**I start sprinting towards her unmoving form; the cars have all stopped by now. Their drivers staring at her.**

**The car that hit her, a shiny white Land rover, its bonnet specked with her blood, starts up and drives away.**

**No one stops it.**

**I reach her; I kneel beside her and clutch her hand.**

"**Clarice?" My voice is cracking.**

**She makes no response.**

**I touch her neck panicking feeling for it, and there! A tiny but there pulse! It's slowing down, fading...**

"**Clarice!" I wail, my voice scratchy, tears pricking my eyes "stay with me, don't go! I need you!" **

**A siren screeches in the distance, I assume one of the other drivers phoned an ambulance**

"**Clarice just hold on for a few minutes Hun, the ambulance is almost here, you're going to be all right! You've got to be all right" my hold tightens on her hand "George remember him, you wanted to marry him, remember our trip to Japan, Art college you've got so much to do! You can't just leave!" The sirens draw closer, they sound about a few streets away now.**

**Great big droplets of my tears start to fall and drip onto her still face.**

**Her eyelids flutter, and she lets out a shaky sigh "then you live life for me Beth"**

**I draw in a teary gasp, stuttering out "no! No silly, you'll be fine! You can do it all yourself, your fine!"**

**Her eyes opened and stared up into mine "it hurts" her eyes slowly shut and her grip on my hand loosened.**

**She was gone.**

**Throwing myself over her body. A sound mixed between a cats wail and a wolfs howl is heard, I realise its me. I stay like that for what seems like forever, my shoulders shaking violently tears streaming off my face and onto her. Her corpse.**

**The siren stops, doors slam people are crowding round. Some one is pulling at me, trying to get me away from her. I clutch on refusing to be moved.**

**But I'm picked up and carried further and further away.**

**I watch as they move her, checking her pulse before zapping her ****with a ****Defibrillator, her body judders ****violently before laying unmoving again. They repeat it again and again with no results before getting out a large black body bag and gently placing her inside. My last glimpse of her face was when they zipped it up.**

**Then sliding it onto a stretcher, they place her in the ambulance and zoom off. Off to the morgue.**

**I cry out biting the hand of the person holding me I'm released falling out onto the concrete. I give pointless chase after the ambulance before giving up. Letting out a mournful wail I collapse onto the ground and let the darkness encompass me.**

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><p><strong>thank you for reading! please try and review!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

Hey again! :D :3 how are you all!

anyway before this all begins I have to give a massive thank you! to my gorgeous beautiful beta, without you this story would of dried up from lack of inspiration and grammatical errors! XD

and another huuuge thank you to Charlotte for adding my story to their favorites!

note: any reviews received will be answered in the next chapter XD

I hope you enjoy! please try and review to tell me how you found it!

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><p>When I eventually woke up I was on a bustling ward, Doctors and nurses hurried by the foot of my bed. The second thing I noticed was how bright everything was, It was almost blinding, Snuggling back under my sheets I let myself sink back into the darkness.<p>

The next time I awoke I was back home in my bed. Rubbing my eyes I remembered the horrible nightmare I had had. It felt so realistic; everyone was going to laugh about this at school today. Chuckling to myself I got up and dressed in my uniform. The boring blue polo shirt that hung loosely off my body and did nothing for my figure. The plain black pencil skirt way above regulated height and my flat black pumps.

I headed downstairs and towards the kitchen to find my family sitting round the breakfast table, pulling out a chair and sitting down I helped my self to my usual plain buttered toast and took a bite, looking round I noticed their serious expressions

"Who died?" I joked A pin dropping could have been heard. My mum's hand shook and her orange juice spilt on the table "you don't remember?"

I blinked, remember what? Everyone was acting so strangely, had I forgotten someone's birthday? mentally shrugging I took another bite of toast and a slurp of juice.

"I had the weirdest dream last night" I said "Clarice got hit by a land rover and died, pretty fancy car to be killed with, eh?" I waited for my dad to make another joke about it, but it never came, Looking up I noticed no-one would meet my eyes. "What's going on? What's wrong? You guys aren't normally this depressing" My brother was the one to break the silence, and my fragile state of mind.

"Beth, that dream you had, that happened. It wasn't a dream. It all happened two days ago, you've only just woken up, but you've got to know, Clarice is gone. She died at the site of the crash, and police want to talk to you about the driver that hit her."

I blinked, once, twice I wasn't waking up, this wasn't all some crazy terrible dream to wake up from, it was the coldest most heart wrenching truth I had ever been told. And it hurt, like a piece of my heart had been torn out and it was still bleeding profusely.

The room spun and I found my breakfast making an escape attempt up my throat. Swallowing thickly I breathed in a shaky gasp. "Please tell me he's lying, please Mum It can't be true that stuff doesn't happen to people like us! We're the lucky ones!"

She shook her head gently at me, tears trickling down her cheeks. And that's when I realised that I'd never see her again. The girl that had been like my soul sister, the one who I told everything to, the one who took my deepest secrets to the grave with her.

She was gone.

Gone.

The next few days were hell. Waking up crying, seeing her in my dreams and waking up too reality hurt you know. In those days I simply laid and cried. Getting up only to use the toilet, I drank the water my mother brought me but couldn't seem to hold down any solid substances.

Everything reminded me of her, My Room where we had just hung out, every week, and all those happy memories now brought me unbelievable pain. The days turned into weeks and the funeral descended on us quickly, I was scheduled to give a eulogy and prayer for her but couldn't think of any words that could describe her that fitted.

That day was the day that changed my life. Mum brought me a breakfast tray; filled with cereal, toast, bacon, bread and juice, "you'll need your strength today" she said her smile barley masking the sadness in her eyes. Swallowing a few mouthfuls of cereal, I pulled on a black dress that she had lent me a few days before dying. The bodice is decorated with lace patterns, the sleeves made of see through black material, it was tight fit, but I'd lost a lot of weight since then. Then black skirt went down to my knees and I wore my flat black pumps on my feet. My hair pulled up into the ponytail I usually wore

I clipped on the sushi earrings she had left around mine accidently.

Without looking in a mirror I left out the front door, and got into the car, minutes later my brother, Mum and dad silently got in with me, my mum started up the car and we had the tortuously silent drive to church for her funeral service

It was a simple service composed of family and friends, I saw our-my friends waving at me at the back of the church, but ignored them and sat in an empty pew near the front by myself. I ignored the vicar's speech; I ignored Clarice's mum's eulogy. Until it was my turn, stepping up onto the podium, Memories of us together flashed before my eyes.

"The time we ate all the chocolate in my house and Clarice and me sheepishly trying to explain to my mum that we had just been hungry. The time we camping together and fell asleep holding hands. The anime we watched together. Laughing together Crying together We shared it all and I just wanted to do everything with her again and again until I died. She had so much to live for..."

I blinked the threatening tears away and left the podium.

The rest of the funeral was a blur, but I distinctly remember the burial. It was a shaded plot with a beautiful marble angel headstone. The shiny black coffin was lowered into the ground slowly. As they piled the dirt on I numbly watched as our friends struggled to hold George back from jumping in the hole. I supposed he must miss her as much as I did.

I stayed there until the end as people rushed to place their flowers on her grave. I didn't bring flowers; I knew Clarice didn't like them much anyway. Instead I had printed out her best anime drawings and laminated them. I was sure she'd appreciate it more than some stupid cat killing lilies.

Eventually everyone left. But I was still there, sat against the tree, staring blankly at the headstone. Was she in heaven? Or floating around as a ghost? I just wanted a way to see her again. Eventually it got dark, and I knew I had to leave before the cemetery was closed for the night. As I stood up it started to rain. Did I say rain? I meant pour.

The type of rain that takes merely seconds to drench you to the skin.

Sighing I made my way back to the tree. It was pointless trying to get home in this sort of weather. I'd be better off waiting here until it all passed.

Seconds turned into minutes and I found myself yawning, a little nap here wouldn't hurt right?

Shutting my eyes I drifted off into a restless slumber filled with memories of her smiling face, reaching out to me, her fingertips dripping with blood.

As I woke up, I noticed a strange man standing over me. Taking in his appearance I estimated he was in his late thirties, he pointed to Clarice's grave "Someone you've lost?" His voice was Hoarse but soft as he looked at me.

I nodded nervously; he looked like someone who I wouldn't want to piss off.

"Don't you ever wish you could bring her back?" ignoring my startled expression he continued "What would you say if I told you it was possible?"

I blinked before shaking my head furiously blinking away tears "you're LYING! It's not possible!" I jumped up to run away but he grabbed my arm stopping me.

"It's possible, now why don't you come with me and i'll show you how."

"You're mad if you think I'm going anywhere with you..." a cloth covered hand was pressed to my face and dizzy I sunk into the waiting darkness.

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><p>thank you for reading!~ :3<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**good day! :3 I wanted to say good evening, but theres no garentee that when you read this it'll be evening... anyway! this took me till 5 in the morning to write! so be very happy! XD**

**also, I haven't sent this to my beta yet so lots of apologies if its got a few (or a lot) of errors. or if you don't like the plot or something. I'll probably end up reposting it anyway because I wasn't sure if you'd all like it...**

**many thanks to all of you who added this to their story alerts and favorites!**

**peyton the blood alchemeist: I love your name! XD I'm glad you like it, to be honest i hadn't even thought about Elizabeth slipping into mary-sue'ness! I'm glad you said that or it could of actually happened, anyway bear with me for this chapter, I wasn't sure if it'd be something you'd like... I hope you do! please review again and tell me how you found it! all constructive critism is welcomed!**

** charlotte1234: for some reason it blanked out the numbers in your name in the last chapter... anyway I hope i updated quickly enough for you! :3 and thank you! I'm glad people are enjoying my story! **

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><p>It was quiet, dark and reeked of dust and rotting wood, the walls were a faded green colour that made it hard to tell between the wallpaper and the mould that clung to it.<p>

When I woke up I found myself laid out on an uncomfortable steel cot, covered in a threadbare blanket and wearing my clothes from the day before. A tiny amount of sunlight flickered in from the small barred window above my cot.

Three words I'd use to describe the place would probably be

Dank

Decaying

Illegal.

The only exit I could see was a plain grey door, trying it just to be sure I found it locked, my suspicions were confirmed, and I was a prisoner.

Sitting on the bed I thought about what the man had said before knocking me out, 'don't you ever wish you could bring her back? What if I told you it was possible?'

Possible? Could it really work? Could I really get to see my beloved friend again? I knew I'd sacrifice anything for it to happen.

The grey door slammed open, disrupting my thoughts. And two strange men in white lab coats entered. They both wore surgical masks over their faces and surgical gloves on their hands.

I blinked, was I in some sort of messed up hospital?

They motioned for me to follow them and I reluctantly did, I wasn't going to find any awnsers in that dank room, so I followed them into an equally as dark and musty corridor, though of course after a few moments consideration I figured this wasn't one of my wiser decisions.

However now it was too late to turn back, the dark corridor lead to some rusty metal double doors, the type you'd see leading to an operating theatre, the two men pushed them open, the light that shone through blinded me for a few moments.

Blinking it away I walked forwards to find myself in a huge oval room. All manners of strange scientific equipment hung from the ceiling and various cages and storage units littered the side of the room.

The two men let the doors swing shut behind me sealing my fate. And made their way over to a large computer that stood on one side of the room. On the other side was the man from the graveyard.

He calmly made his way over to me, whistling a haunting tune, at the startled look on my face he let out a forced chuckle

"Sorry dear, we didn't mean to scare you, but trust me when I say that I mean no harm. You can call me the surgeon" He reached out and patted me 'comfortingly' on the arm. Then motioned towards the other men "and these are my associates"

Barley suppressing a shudder of disgust, I stared him directly in the eyes and asked the question that had been haunting me nonstop since I had woken up.

"Can you really bring her back?"

He smiled smugly and nodded, he knew that I'd do anything to get my friend back, and he was going to use that to his advantage completely.

"Of course we can, why would I lie to you?" his eyebrows quirked down slightly "but what are you willing to do for us? After all it's only fair if we bring your friend back that you do something for us as a form of, repayment"

I swallowed thickly, tears brimming at the corners of my eyes, I stared at him desperately with my icy blue eyes "and what would you need me to do?"

"Just a few experiments, none of them" he licked his lips "deadly"

He turned around sighing dramatically "but if your not willing to help us..."

"Anything" I choked out, shaking so fiercely I dropped to my knees "i'll do anything you wish if you can just bring her back to me"

"Excellent" he purred, snapping his fingers, one of the men from before scurried over and handed him a bundle of paper and fountain pen. "If you'd just sign here" he indicated a dotted line and handed me the fountain pen.

Nodding numbly I signed the papers without even glancing at the words, how was I to know what I was signing away? I had just been told that my recently deceased friend could be brought back; I was far more focused on that, than anything else.

As I signed the last page that papers and pen were snatched away from me and I was tugged to a spot next to the computer.

The men hurried around pouring various substances into a large copper bowl which included what I recognised as a lot of Clarice's hair, which they then placed under a massive piece of equipment, it looked like one of those huge lasers from sci-fi films and vaguely like the thing that brought Frankenstein to life and conducted electricity.

The men in masks tapped away at the computers keyboard and the machine flashed to life. I could only watch in shock as it let down a huge bolt of blue electricity.

One of the men in masks suddenly grasped my arm and pushed me to the side of the copper bowl, tripping I grabbed onto the sleeve of his lab coat pulling him with me. It was so bright I couldn't see much, but what I did see was thousands of little black arms reaching out to us.

Panicking I stumbled backwards, letting the little arms grab the masked man first, I watched as he was dragged into nothingness before the arms returned to grab me.

They got my left arm ears and both legs before they retreated and the light faded, I could see clearly the writhing mass of what looked like melted skin, its one displaced eye staring directly at me accusingly. I can remember the unbelievable amount of agony I suffered before I passed out from sheer pain and blood loss.

Waking up in the room from before, the pain hit me again like a ton of bricks. Flinching I inspected my now stump of an arm and legs. They were bandaged tightly, but I could see the distinct faded red colour beneath the bandages.

I waited in there for what seemed like hours, just staring blankly at the ceiling. Cursing myself for falling for that creepy mans tricks and failing to see that what I'd hoped for was the ultimate impossible.

The door was opened gently for a change and the man that hadn't died like his partner walked in. He silently wheeled my bed out the door down the corridor and into the oval room.

He didn't need to say anything. His eyes accused me loudly of the sins I had committed.

Tears dripped from my own eyes, but I didn't dare make a noise, not now I knew what these men were capable of.

The 'surgeon' approached me smiling cheerfully "It's a shame that our experiment failed, but look on the bright side! You survived and we can do many more experiments on you!" I was wheeled into the middle of the room and the masked man strapped my struggling form down onto the cot.

The surgeon smiled creepily, making his way to one of the cages "you see my dear, I've had this itch to try this experiment out for ages, and then you came along, the perfect little test subject" he opened the cage revealing a chained Scottish lynx. Lifting it he placed it on a cot similar to mine and wheeled it over next to me.

Staring into its eyes, and it staring into mine. We made a connection through shared pity, desperation and fear. I knew she had given up on life, from her lack of struggling, it was like she'd been here so long, and she'd rather lie still and wait to die.

The surgeon and his associate were over by the computer and another high tech laser was lowered down to point directly at us.

I watched in dread as it was powered up and the blue light headed towards us, consuming us.

Everything went white, I was sitting in pure whiteness, and then the lynx appeared. I tensed as she prepared to pounce at me. She watched approvingly as I slid into a fighting stance.

We both stared at each other, and I relaxed slightly, she meant no harm, If she wanted me dead she'd of done it before I could even tense.

The lynx slowly padded over to me, curiously sniffing my stump of a leg before butting my good arm with her snout. And that's when the unbelievable happened. Her body starting with her snout was absorbed through my arm and into my body.

The white faded to black as I fell backwards from the shock and pain of it. I shut my eyes to block out everything,

As I opened them again, the black was gone, as was the white, all I was left with was this endless pale yellow.

I sat up and stared.

A huge door had suddenly just, appeared! Standing up, she walked over towards it. It was defiantly odd to say the least. A huge eye was sculpted onto the actual door, and the two pillars on either side were made up of sculptures of people. They all seemed to be trying to go up, even climbing on one another to get there.

Standing right up next to it, I did the only sensible thing to do. I knocked. It was a door, wasn't it?

Slowly, the two huge doors began to pry apart, revealing the inside to just be pitch black. Hesitantly, I took a tiny step forward. "Anybody here?" I called, praying inside that no one would answer me. "Ahh!" I screeched as I fell downwards, the hundreds of eyes opening at the same time in the blackness terrifying me.

Opening my eyes again I realised that the whiteness had returned.

Sighing I spun around, looking for a way out. Then something caught my eye.

I was staring at a completely white figure with absolutely no distinguishing figures but a mouth that was tilted upwards in an extremely creepy smile.

I scowled, from all I'd been through; this definitely wasn't the scariest thing to happen to me. "Who are you" I demanded

"I'm the truth," I blinked. What was that supposed to mean?

'The truth' sighed "I am the creator, god, the original being"

I gasped, taking two steps backwards and falling on my bum, was it here to punish me for my sins?

The white figure continued. "You're Elizabeth waters, correct? I have a deal for you," the faceless figure offered. I frowned puzzled

"An offer?"

His grin grew wider "I can let you live."

"Let...me live?" I shook my head "I'm already alive though!"

His grin faltered slightly "Look at yourself, your walking, and just how is that now?" I could hear the scorn in the voice.

He was right, there was no way I could be walking, not with no legs...

Utterly perplexed I looked down at my body and what I saw knocked the breath from my lungs.

In place of my original legs two lynx back legs had sprouted, in place of my arm was a lynx front leg, paw and all.

Breathing raggedly I reached up towards my head, and my fears were confirmed. Two furry ears had grown in place of my taken human ears, sprouting awkwardly onto the sides of my head.

In complete shock I slumped to the ground muttering to myself "this isn't possible, this shouldn't be possible...!"

Truth chuckled "exactly. It's wasn't physically possible so you died. However. I can help you. I can let you live again"

Reaching out to him I stuttered "let me live again?"

"Yes, live!" he laughed grabbing my hand and pulling me up "just walk through that gate behind you and you'll be back alive"

I spun quickly seeing the newly formed door behind me and stumbled towards it exhausted, mentally and physically.

But just before I left through it a thought hit me and I turned to face truth

"What's in this for you?"

He smirked "equivalent exchange very good" he muttered "your toll was paid for by those who died in the laboratory explosion that you died in."

My grin nearly split my face in half as I mockingly called back to him as I left. "Take _very _good care of them"

As I fell through the darkness again I could've sworn I heard him laugh.

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><p><strong>I'm sort of worried that people will think me turning Beth into a chimera lynx is cliche and mary-sue like... but I don't mean it that she'll be a cute cat girl like in shojo anime's I think of her transformation as a mutation that'd make her an out cast... the legs aren't exactly cute... and the ears are misplaced on her head... soo... anyway please review and tell me how you found it all! :)<strong>


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